How the kids have taken the news

So we find ourselves in a slight quandary. We want to sell our existing house around this time next year (November 2023) to release the money to fund our new dream house in Scotland. But we have a sitting tenant (Amber - although no money comes our way), a lodger (Dasha - no rent charged) and a regular B&B guest (Charlotte - again, no payments requested). How do we go about sympathetically extricating ourselves from these obligations, and is it fair to do so?

Amber is our eldest. She is a fairly quiet kid (I say kid but she is 21!), but has strong opinions on social justice, and human and animal rights. She loves animals, and always wanted to work with them. She started working towards her chosen career by doing work experience on a farm, lambing, at just 13. She spent a week, birthing, vaccinating, tagging and castrating lambs, as well as imitating mummy sheep to move the new families between pens, and smelling of blood and straw. But she excelled and the farmer said she was amazing. She was born for this vocation!

She followed up with a second year of lambing and many weeks spent at various vets getting in some hours and some first hand knowledge. Places to study vet nursing are few and far between and she struggled to find a sponsor to see her through the apprenticeship. But, despite all the heartbreak and knock backs she did not give up. She signed up to do a foundation degree at Nottingham Trent and did two years study and one year placement before qualifying this summer.

We could not be more proud of her! She looks so at home in her work environment and brings home all sorts of incredible stories, whether happy, shocking or tragic. She is now working 20 hours per week, whilst continuing to study 20 hours per week from home to reach her goal of a BSc next summer so she can specialise in feline care. Jeremy, Flo and Lucy get the best possible care and attention, thanks to Amber's insights, although fairly unwillingly!

Outside of work she dates Will, her boyfriend of 6 years - a calm, quiet, kind guy who makes her laugh and cares about her enormously. I hope he knows how much we love him for that - knowing your daughter is happy and loved and cared for is a huge thing for any parent! Will is in his final year of university studying something to do with trees (something like Ecology or Forestry and Conservation).

Our hope is that once Will finishes uni, that the two of them can invest in a place of their own and make a life for themselves in their own way and be responsible for themselves. But when we spoke to Amber about the move, and possibly selling the house next November, she confessed that they are really worried about be able to afford to move out. Certainly round here the prices are prohibitive. It is quite a stressful thing to think about - being able to earn enough to reliably pay a mortgage month on month. But before they get that far they need a deposit....

Charlotte is our youngest at 19, and a totally different character. She is feisty, outgoing and a fierce advocate for equality - especially between herself and Amber! She is an incredibly social animal and is living life to the full at university in Cardiff with a lovely bunch of friends. We have been amazed at how self-sufficient she is - cooking, cleaning, commuting whilst training to be a radiographer. She has just begun her second year of studies and placements, and seems to be thriving on the course and in the hospital environment. We have high hopes for her future career in the NHS (or private). She has 1 and a half more years at uni, and then if she stays to work in Wales for another 2 years they will pay off her student debt - a no-brainer! We don't expect her home any time soon...

So, when we spoke to her about the imminent move we didn't think it would be a problem. It wasn't exactly a surprise, as we had been talking about it for months. But her inner sense of righteousness began to simmer and boiled over as we discussed the time frame for the actual move. As so often when she was very small, we found ourselves on the back foot and trying to justify why, as adults who have worked very hard to achieve a position in life where we can realise our dreams, this is perfectly fair. And, as always we had quite a job to combat her fierce intelligence on the argument front. (She could run us in argumentative circles about the colour of a new backpack at aged 6!)

But it was a wake up call. Charlotte was not happy at the thought of the rug of reliability being pulled from under her. She realises she has a very familiar and comfortable life, where she can pop back 'home' and stay at 'her house' and see her friends in a known environment. Something Amber has been able to benefit from thus far, and so why shouldn't she have the same for the same number of years?

So, in summary, we don't take it lightly that we have brought the two of them into the world and tried to do the best by them for the best part of our married life. We know it is a huge thing to be thinking about - moving 400 miles 'down the road'. We need to make sure that they know we aren't abandoning them, and that we would never see them struggle or be homeless. We love them to bits and they're our responsibility to the end of our days. That being said we do want to strike out and make the most of the next phase of our lives, before we get too old. What do you think?